You Thought it was a STALL

Life has its stalls;

           no forward motion,
no backward motion,
           a standing still.
It can be okay, less stress,
but there is curiosity about why.
It is not a happy place
or a sad place,
           only a place.

You want to move forward
but where you put your foot,
           the next step,
is not there…yet.

So you wait and wonder.


When the hints start arriving
the magnitude of the motion that begins is unknown.

How fast, how far?


Faster and farther than you imagined,
or wanted to go,

but the momentum has begun
and there is no stopping it
because God is the one propelling you.

You put on the brakes
because the destination is frightening,
but you are leaving parts of you behind...

so you allow the force to carry you,
swallowing your fear

trusting God will take you
to your destination unharmed
and He will be there when you arrive.


I have been in a stall for months,
not a self-imposed stall

but a God-imposed stall.

It is over now
and I am roaring towards God’s radical destination for my life.

Extreme obedience is what is being required of me.

And I say yes

to God’s gentle command
for He did not hesitate
to send His Son Jesus to deliver me
from the destruction which would have been my end.

His cross,

giving his life,

has now become my cross,

giving my life for another.

Not the shedding blood kind of giving of my life

but laying down
what is precious to me.

Leaving behind my
husband,
children,
grandchildren,
friends,
writing group
and my church

and packing up for a move to Illinois

to become a twenty-four-hour in-home caregiver for my mother.

The woman who cared for me has a need.


As my mother was celebrating her 91st birthday in February
I did not know an insidious disease

was beginning to make its presence known.

No, it’s not cancer,

but another dreaded name:

Alzheimer’s.

As I’m studying about this affliction,
and making my packing list,

the tears linger.

Tears for what I am leaving behind

and tears for what I am going towards.



At times my heart seems to stutter,

I breathe deep and declare,
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”



Such a conflicting time,

Yet the peace of God is present.


I have no time frame
of my return to my home in Colorado.

God has that information and He is not saying.


Obedience is what He requires.

He has said, "go."

So I shall go.

I’ve not been this way before

but God knows the path

and He will not take me to a place
He has not already been
and isn’t already there.

My thoughts, says the Lord,are not like yours, and my ways are different from yours. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways and thoughts above yours. Isaiah 55:8-9 GNT.

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11

Are you in a Stall or does God have you racing to a new destination?

Dream Enemies Part Two

In Dream Enemies part 1 I asked if you were your own worst enemy when it came to following your Dream. Okay, you have gotten past the self-doubts, you know what your God given Dream (your calling) is and you have set your face like flint to immerse yourself in it. In your excitement at this discovery you begin to share your Dream with family and friends.

You are stunned when the news is received with less than enthusiastic stares and head shakes. Mumbling words slip out of their mouths, “You can’t do that. Who do you think you are?” They bombard you with reasons why this can’t possibly succeed. Each phrase sends you deeper into a hole of dejection. You begin to think they are probably right. You must have heard wrong.

Well meaning family and friends can be added to your list of Dream Enemies. They discourage you because they love you and they don’t want to see you get hurt by your failure.

The Bible has examples of these well-meaning people.

When David volunteered to kill Goliath, he felt totally able to accomplish the task because God had prepared him and he felt called to do the work.

He was met with ridicule from his brother Eliab.
“Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the desert? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle.”
“Now what have I done?” said David. “Can’t I even speak?” I Samuel 17:28-29

When David was brought before the king, Saul was apprehensive about the ability of this young boy to complete the task of a warrior.
David said to Saul, "Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him."
Saul replied, "You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth." I Sam 17:32-33 NIV

What if David had listened to Eliab and Saul. Would the Israelites have ever defeated the Philistines?

A young man had two dreams about his future and he shared them with his family.
Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. He said to them, "Listen to this dream I had: We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it."
His brothers said to him, "Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?" And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.
Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. "Listen," he said, "I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me."

When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, "What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?" His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind. Genesis 37:5-11 NIV

The dreams were not received with joy in fact they led to a life isolated from his family.
Genesis 37, 39-46 is the story of Joseph’s life.

The dream Joseph shared with his family was ultimately fulfilled but not without many detours.

Now Joseph was the governor of the land, the one who sold grain to all its people. So when Joseph's brothers arrived, they bowed down to him with their faces to the ground. Genesis 42:6 NIV

Opposition comes from a quarter we didn’t expect. We erroneously believe our family and friends are going to back us and when the discouragement is slung at us we begin to doubt ourselves again and back away from the Dream.

If we press through and begin the process of bringing our Dream to pass, each setback or failure will be met with “I told you so’s.” It’s not easy to keep on keeping on in the face of disapproval from those closest to you.

What do you do? Remember, this is your Dream, not theirs. They won’t be standing with you on judgment day when God asks you what you did with the gifts He gave you.

You can’t use the excuse, “I buried them because my friends and family didn’t think it was a good idea.”

"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
"'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' Matthew 25:24-30 NIV

If your Dream is cemented in your mind and heart you will be able to thrust through the resistance coming from yourself, your family and your friends.

If not, you will begin to see Dream deterioration on all sides.

Is the cement of your Dream dry?

Legacy of Love

Day 12 of 40 days of Lenten Posts

Isn’t this a great picture of two happy people?

This picture is of my mother’s parents.

When I think of the hardships they faced it is good to know that they could smile through life. My grandmother gave birth to 14 children. One child was still born, one died of pneumonia at 2 months old, one died of crib death at 8 months old, one died of Diphtheria at 5 years old, and one died of a brain tumor at 14. The other nine children lived to adulthood.

When he was 56 years old my grandfather was killed while riding his bike to work.

While together my grandparents lived through World War 1 and the Great Depression.

Supporting so many children had to be hard on them but I never heard any stories from my mother or aunts and uncles about them being given anything but lovefrom their parents.

All of my mom’s brothers and sisters remained close. My mother, at 90, is the only one living of those nine children.

I thank my grandparents for leaving me a legacy of love and family.

 "but showing love to a thousand [ generations] of those who love me and keep my commandments."  Exodus 20:6 NIV

Here is another picture of a happy couple.

This is my husband Bob and me on vacation last year.

I pray that you are able to leave a legacy of love, even if you haven't had one passed down to you.

Check Engine Light

I am sitting at home waiting until it is time to take my car to the mechanic. Yesterday the dreaded check engine light appeared. My car was serviced on Feb. 11 for an oil change and inspection so that light turning on was not a welcome sight.

I am quick to want to have it checked. I don't want to break down on the road.

It made me ponder how quick I am with other check engine lights in my life. Am I swift to respond to them?

We know we need to care for all areas of our lives to keep balanced.

Spiritual – Reading God's Word, praying, attending church, praising God

Family – Keeping open communication, forgiving, sharing time, loving

Emotional – Spending time with friends, reading uplifting books, having the ability to laugh with others and laugh at ourselves, knowing our purpose and setting ourselves on the path towards it

Health – Eating right, exercising, getting regular check-ups, proper sleep

Finances – Proper stewardship of what we have, not overspending, sharing what we do have, giving to the kingdom of God

This is not an exhaustive list, just a few things to get you thinking.

Is your engine fine-tuned?

Have you been ignoring the check engine light in any of these areas?

LIVING

It is almost the end of January, the first month of the year 2010. Everyone has been talking about their plans and focus for this New Year. Contemplating that one month of the twelve is already gone, I let my mind wander to what I see my life encompassing for this year and beyond.

Life Changes

Stages

Seasons

Never stagnant

New horizons

Excitement

Vision

Hope

Letting go

Grabbing on

Embracing tenderly

Laughing

Dancing

Tears

Gentleness

Organization

Simplifying

Getting tough

Saying no

Saying yes

Mourning

Rejoicing

Priorities

Family

Friends

God

Sounds like a full life.

A Love Letter

I was pondering what I would write for my next blog. I frequently start my writing, when I don’t know the direction I am going to go, with some rambling, then the words start to flow. I went to the book of 1 Corinthians 13 and typed out the love passage from the Message Bible. I rambled about God’s love for His people and my love for my family when God started to speak to me. To some this may sound very strange but God speaks to my mind and I write what I hear him speak. What He gave me tonight was a love letter and I believe it is not just for me, so here is God’s love letter to His daughters (I guess you guys can have it to).

Daughter, you don’t understand my love, you think it has to do with what you do and don’t do. That is not it, you just don’t get it. What do I have to do to show you my love, wasn’t giving my son on the cross enough? Wasn’t a crown of thorns on his head enough? What would be enough to show you how much I love you? I can’t do anymore, you receive it, believe it. I can’t do more, I have done it all. It grieves me when you don’t believe me, I weep for you to understand. I will never leave you or forsake you, but you leave and forsake me. You go around with thoughts running through your mind that you are not good enough, that you have nothing to offer, that you are not real, that you are fake and if anyone knew the real you they would not like you. You go around trying to get everyone to like you, they already love you. You don’t know how many people love you, including your husband. You touch hearts for me. I have put love in you and you know how to love, but you don’t know how to receive love. Lay your head in my lap and let me heal the hurts, some are ones you have inflicted on yourself because you don’t believe me. I want to heal them all, to make you whole, nothing missing, nothing broken. You are broken right now, there is pain in you right now, I did not put it there, you have it because you receive it, you put it there yourself because you refuse to just be who I created you to be. You are a wonder. Right now you are refusing to receive it, you don’t feel worthy, you reject my gift to you. Just receive it. Open your heart, it won’t burst, stop or bleed to death. Jesus already took the sword to his heart, so yours could be whole, healed and bursting with love, not condemnation. Never condemnation. If that is there, it is not from me. I convict where I see sin but I never condemn. You do that to yourself, you think less of yourself than I do. I see a… yes you must type it… I see a beautiful, holy, gracious, loving creation made in my image to do good, good, good works for me. You are able; you are created for me, for me. Not your husband, not the world but for me. You and I have a pact, you come to me and I speak to you like I am doing right now. We are one, I in you, you in me. Feel it, you are whole, wholly mine, forever mine. Don’t leave me again. I have work for you to do. I will, I will use you to write for my kingdom, for my glory. Hear my voice, listen to my spirit. I will give you the words, the ones that will impact and change lives. Don’t worry, don’t work so hard, it will come and it will come easy. It will not be like others because I have declared that I need what you will do. I know that you are a vessel that I can trust. Your heart is pure and holy I can use you. Go now. I love you.


Daddy

Image: MorgueFile