Icky Stuff

 

Change:

 

› something that rattles around in the bottom of your purse or in your pants pocket,

› something you do to a baby when the odor is distinct,

 

 

› something you do to your tire when it becomes flat on one side, the side in contact with the pavement,

 

 

 

 

 

 

› something you do in the morning so your worst nightmare doesn’t come true and you end up at work in your pajamas.

 

 

Hey you can handle these types of change…although you might grumble a little about the baby and the tire, they're both messy jobs.

 

But what do you do with the changes that inflict physical manifestations: breathing becomes shallow, heart rate increases, knees become weak, and your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth. Your mind repeats a mantra, “I don’t want to, I don’t want to.”

 

This unwanted course is imposed on you when God says, “Prepare yourself, change is coming.”

As if that’s not frightening enough, when you ask Him to elaborate, you hear only crickets.

Status Quo – remaining in your present condition may be preferable to entering the unfamiliar, even if the status quo is making you unhappy, at least you know what you have to face each day.

 

That “change” thing – who knows what that will mean – a new job, a move to another state, a change of churches, a change in a marital status, an internal change, a new car, a new house.

 

Personally, change is hard for me. When I left Illinois after nineteen months and returned to Colorado God told me to expect change. I still don’t know what that means but God has impressed a word on my mind—trust.

 

Not trust in the world or myself but trust in Him,

entrusting the details to Him.

 

Now, that I think I can do.

Enough

Life has its joys and sorrows. Each day has its ups and downs,
crazy turns and sudden stops.

Elitch Gardens

          Some days we would prefer staying in bed, covers over our head and blinds closed.

 

Photo by Diane Shaw

                                                               

Unfortunately what we are hiding from won’t go away while we retreat from the world.

But, that day in bed, that day closed off from what’s out there waiting for us, may be exactly what we need to do.

A day of rest is NOT a wasted day.

Bury the guilt, turn off your cell phone,

silence the ringer on the home phone, send the kids to grandma’s and the husband on a camping trip.

You will be a better, stronger and emotionally healthy person.

Renew your strength, it is a good thing. Even God rested.

“He gives power to the tired and worn out, and strength to the weak. Even the youths shall be exhausted, and the young men will all give up. But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31 The Living Bible

 

Bald Eagle photo by: Marietta Kappel

                                            

Heart Beat

 

HEART BEAT

 

Lift my heart Lord

    From the despair within.

Fill me with your presence

    Show me your light.

 

Night time needs to be over,

    I need the glories of your Sun.

The pain is deep

    And brokenness overwhelms me.

 

Your challenge is to trust

    I am weary from the battle.

 

Can you see my unshed tears

    Bottled so deep inside?

They want to be shed

    But something I don’t see or

    Understand stops them.

 

I am tied to this place

    With invisible chains.

I want to break free

    But what if when the chains fall

    There is nothing left of me but dust.

 

I return to you, my true refuge

    Gasping for air, for peace and

    For my heart to beat without pain.

 

Heal me Lord as only you can.

    Put my feet upon a clear path.

 

Surround me with Love.

 

By Diane Marie Shaw    (Being Real)

The Note

“Daughter, you don’t understand my love, you think it has to do with what you do and don’t do. That is not it, you just don’t get it.

What do I have to do to show you my love, wasn’t giving my son on the cross enough. Wasn’t a crown of thorns on his head enough, wasn’t a cross enough.

What would be enough to show you how much I love you? I can’t do anymore, you receive it, believe it. I can’t do more, I have done it all.

It grieves me when you don’t believe me, I weep for you to understand. I will never leave you or forsake you, but you leave and forsake me.

You go around with thoughts running through your mind that you are not good enough, that you have nothing to offer, that you are not real, that you are fake and if anyone knew the real you they would not like you.

You go around trying to get everyone to like you, they already love you. You don’t know how many people love you including your husband. You touch hearts for me. I have put love in you and you know how to love but you don’t know how to receive love.

Lay your head in my lap and let me heal the hurts, some are ones you have inflicted on yourself because you don’t believe me. I want to heal them all to make you whole, nothing missing, nothing broken.

You are broken right now, there is pain in you right now, I did not put it there, you have it because you receive it, you put it there yourself because you refuse to just be who I created you to be.

You are a wonder. Right now you are refusing to receive it, you don’t feel worthy, you reject my gift to you. Just receive it.

Open your heart, it won’t burst, stop or bleed to death. Jesus already took the sword to his heart, so yours could be whole, healed and bursting with love, not condemnation. Never condemnation. If that is there it is not from me.

I convict where I see sin but I never condemn. You do that to yourself, you think less of yourself than I do. I see a…yes you must type it…I see a beautiful, holy, gracious, loving creation made in my image to do good, good, good works for me. You are able; you are created for me, for me. Not your husband, not the world but for me.

You and I have a pact, you come to me and I speak to you like I am doing right now. We are one, I in you, you in me. Feel it, you are whole, wholly mine, forever mine. Don’t leave me again.

I have work for you to do. I will, I will use you to write for my kingdom, for my glory. Hear my voice, listen to my spirit. I will give you the words, the ones that will impact and change lives.

Don’t worry, don’t work so hard, it will come and it will come easy. It will not be like others because I have declared that I need what you will do. I know that you are a vessel that I can trust. Your heart is pure and holy I can use you.

Go now. I love you.

Daddy”

 

I journal and God speaks back to me and I write what He speaks. This was from a journal entry of September 21, 2009.

As I read this today I was touched by God’s love but also pricked because He could write this same letter to me today because nothing has changed in me. Sad isn’t it. It is time for me to take up God’s image of me. He made it very clear how he sees me it is time for me to see myself this way too.

Reread this note from God, could He have written it to you?

Do you have a Godly image of yourself or have you allowed your image to be distorted by the world, your past and your doubts?

 

 

Question for Bloggers

If you have recently had a death in your family are you having a hard time blogging?

Do you feel empty?

Do you feel you have nothing to write about?

Are you avoiding blogging because you don’t want to bring others down because you can’t think of anything to write about but how awful you feel?

 

My mother passed away in September from Alzheimer's. I spent the last year and a half being her 24/7 caregiver in her home in Illinois.

I seem to be in a fog.

 



The only writing I am able to do is journaling and trust me, you wouldn't want to see what is written there.

 

I could use some help in getting over this hump so any input would be appreciated.

Two Inches Tall and Growing

I haven’t blogged in a long time, depression probably was the main culprit that kept my fingers still. I guess caring for my mother 24/7 could have contributed to my lack of productivity too. The Alzheimer’s that slowly destroyed my mother’s brain took her life on September 19^th.

I’ve been back home in Colorado for four and a half weeks, those weeks have been filled with grief but not just for the loss of my mother. Disappointments that have plagued me for years and years are being faced for what they are and I’m making choices. I can allow my life to be stagnant…just continue on the path that has become a rut or I can step onto fresh ground, ground that God has staked with signposts saying, “come this way.”

One of my Christmas gifts from my daughter-in-law is the book, Start by Jon Acuff. I’ve only begun reading it but already my spirit is happy. Jon tells about the five stages that will take you from Average to Awesome. They are: Learning (happens in your 20’s), Editing (your 30’s), Mastering (your 40’s), Harvesting (your 50’s), and Guiding (your 60’s and up).

According to this I should be guiding but since I’ve not put all my energies into the path I should be on I’m starting at the beginning…Learning. So even though I am in my 60’s by the calendar, because I am beginning a new course I’m back in my 20’s. Woo Who, I like that!

I’m looking to discover who I am as God sees me. I’ve learned my self-perception has been viewed through filters that are not true. I’ve pressed down so much of myself that I feel about two inches tall. Discovering that all that is wrong in my life is not all my fault has been freeing.

I’ve got a lot of work to do to unlock the prison I have put myself in from wrong beliefs but at least now I know I can have a different life. A life more pleasing to my Lord Jesus.

Writing is my path and I jump on and off it not taking it seriously as my call from God. I want that to change and the gift from my daughter-in-law is a nudge from God telling me to “Start.”

Looking at my “writing bookshelves” I searched for a book that would encourage me to begin writing again. I picked out Behind the Stories – Christian novelists Reveal the Heart in the Art of Their Writing, complied by Diane Eble. As I’m reading the stories of some of my favorite Christian authors and their ups and downs on their path to writing for God I want to put the book down and pick up my pencil.

This morning I opened my emails and at the top was a blog post from writer Jeff Goins putting out a challenge to writers to commit to writing 500 words for thirty-one days.

Okay God. I hear you, I know it’s time to get serious. There is work to be done.

I may stumble and fall back into my rut but I have a daughter-in-law who believes in me and a God who won’t give up on me.

 

If you’d like to take Jeff Goins challenge you can find the information on his blog page.

http://goinswriter.com/

 

 

 

Downton Abby Withdrawal Cure

Downton Abby is over for the season.

If you are suffering withdrawal symptoms I can recommend some reading material to feed that need to go behind the scenes of the rich and those who serve them.

 

Olivia Newport has written two delicious, historical books that take place in the United States. Set in Chicago Illinois on the prestigious Prairie Ave. in the 1890’s, pre Downton Abby time frame.

 

The first in the series is The Pursuit of Lucy Banning.

 

 

Lucy Banning may live on the exclusive Prairie Avenue among Chicago’s rich and famous, but her heart lies elsewhere. Expected to marry an up-and-coming banker, the son of family friends, Lucy fears she will be forced to abandon what matters to her most—her work at the orphanage and the classes she is secretly taking at the newly opened University of Chicago.

 

When she meets Will Edwards, an unconventional young architect working on plans for the 1893 World’s Fair, Lucy imagines a life lived on her own terms. A new young maid brings her own secret to the Banning household, and Lucy must choose between deeply held values.

 

Can Lucy fine love and live out of her compassionate heart?

 

The second in the series The Dilemma of Charlotte Farrow focuses on the lives of the servants.

 

The whole world is coming to Chicago.

 

Charlotte’s whole world is coming down around her.

 

While the rest of Chicago focuses on the enormous spectacle of the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition, Charlotte Farrow’s attentions are entirely on one small boy—her boy—whom she has kept a secret from her wealthy employers for nearly a year.

 

When the woman who has been caring for her son abruptly returns him to the opulent Banning home, Charlotte must decide whether to come clean and face dismissal or keep her secret while the Bannings decide the child’s fate. Can she face the truth of her past and open her heart to a future of her own? Or will life’s struggles determine her path?

This compelling story of courage, strength, and tender romance captures the tension between the glittering wealthy class and the hardworking servants who make their lives comfortable.

 

These two books come from Olivia’s Avenue of Dreams Series. I thoroughly enjoyed both books and hope that there will be a third in the series.

 

Olivia is a versatile writer so if historical fiction is not to your taste then you must read her first book in the Valley of Choice series.

 

Accidentally Amish is the story of Annie Friesen, a software creator, living in Colorado Springs.

Annie makes some huge life changing choices; I’m not going to spoil it for you. You must pick up this book and enter a world were simplicity is not as easy to grasp as you might think.

 

The second book in this series In Plain View comes out in June 2013 and I’m hungry to read it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop by your local bookstore, pick up these wonderful stories, fix a cup of tea and settle in for a good read.

Enough or Not Enough

When is enough, enough…or not enough?

 
When I sit reading emails, blogs and Facebook guilt creeps in with statements like, “You should be doing something productive.”

Cleaning the kitchen, getting dinner in the crock pot, doing laundry and straightening up is not enough? Of course not, because there is always something else that shouts,

“This is more important. You should start cleaning out cluttered drawers and closets; you have way too much stuff.”

So if I cleaned out two drawers and a closet today, would that be enough? Of course not because I have a dozen other drawers I haven’t touched and there are nine more closets that need attention.

Should I feel guilt about being on social media or curling up in a chair reading? Not when my calling is to write and those social media sites belong to authors I follow and posts by fellow writers sharing their journey.

 

No one criticizes me for not having clean closets…except me. Is it because I don’t take this writing life as seriously as I should?

 

If I were working outside my home I would be giving eight hours to that profession; in the remaining hours of my day I would be cooking, cleaning and doing laundry. Why is it so difficult to allow myself the time to feed my mind with writing tips, do’s and don’ts and words of encouragement about this writing life?

 

Could it be that since I am not currently working on a novel I do not consider myself a writer?

 

Am I the only writer who torturers’ herself this way?



Cupcakes and Church

Today I stopped at a small bakery to buy myself a treat. I chose a mint chocolate cupcake; mint is one of my favorite flavors. The cupcake was smaller than I expected for $2.50 but it was probably a good thing, I really didn’t need the calories of one the size of a soup bowl.

The cupcake looked so pretty. The frosting was tinted green and it swirled up and up. Mini chocolate chips dotted the mountain of icing.

At home I prepared a large cup of hot chocolate, I added mint extract. I was going to saturate myself in chocolate and mint.

I removed the cupcake from the plastic container and peeled off the liner.

With fork in hand I sliced through the mound of green icing down into the chocolate beneath. I slid the forkful into my mouth, anticipating the burst of flavors and moistness I was sure would be there.

My brain signaled something was wrong. My expectation of a moist, light cupcake was dashed by the denseness of the treat. I tasted something that didn’t seem right, so with my next bite I only took cake and what I was tasting was...bread. That stumped me…how could a sweet treat taste like a loaf of white bread.

The artfully applied frosting was a disappointment too. I couldn’t distinguish what kind of shortening/butter/margarine it was made with but it had a heavy consistency.

I finished the cupcake but found I got more enjoyment from my cup of hot chocolate.

Just as it would be foolish of me to decide to never purchase a cupcake from any bakery ever again because of one disappointment wouldn’t it be foolish for someone to never attend any church again because of a hurt or disappointment experienced in one church. Yet this happens over and over.

If this is you or you know someone who has taken this stand I hope you will share my cupcake story with them. There are many churches, just as there are many bakeries and I’m sure there is at least one bakery that will have cupcakes I will swoon over.

Give God another chance this Sunday, try another church, see if the texture and flavor fits your needs and desires.

NASCAR NaNo

 

I’m at the starting line, revving my creative engine, ready to release the brake, hit the gas and take off.

I have one roadblock,

 I don’t know where I'm going.

            I have 2 ½ days to think up characters, and a plot.

            Something has to develop, I don’t want to look like this on November 30th.

 

 

 

If you are participating in NaNoWriMo do you have your story sketched out?

 

 

Broken

            Today I am down, have the blues, am depressed, whatever you want to call it. I sit quietly seeking why.

            At first I thought it was for selfish reasons, being away from home, my husband, children and grandchildren. That wasn’t the reason and it would have been a lot easier if it was because then I could have a good strong talk with myself and tell myself to get over myself.

            The source, which I now see as pain, is watching a woman lose herself and knowing I can do nothing to stop it.

            The past two days I’ve seen a change in my mother, and it saddens me. There is more confusion, responses to questions don’t make sense and the loss of words and using the wrong word increases. I ignore the incorrect; I will not shame her by pointing out her errors.

            She is bitter, angry and finds no pleasure in life which makes caring for her a challenge. I lose my temper when she speaks hurtful, untrue words about others (she believes they are true). I stop her ranting, telling her I don’t want to listen to this.

            Everything I say to her has to be repeated twice even if I have her attention the first time I say it. Unfortunately the second time I say it my tone is harsh. Today I’ve worked on repeating it with a lilt in my voice, oh, if only I could do this every time.

            Watching her today I wondered what her shrinking world was like. She can’t hear, can’t understand, she forgets, she thinks we are all thieves and want to take her house away from her. She hates crowds (anything over 2 or 3 people is a crowd), she can’t stand noise (even restaurants are a trial because of conversations all around her she can’t track with anything). My sister and I attempt to bring some enjoyment into her life but unfortunately she can’t find pleasure in anything, all things are bad. We keep trying.

            Her world has become so small and I know it will shrink more and more. I want to cut away the chains that are wrapping tighter and tighter around her mind, destroying it bit by bit but I can do nothing. Alzheimer’s is a foe that cannot be subdued.

Curb Your Steps

 

On Saturday I stumbled over something I did not see. I wasn’t able to see the six inch high parking curb because I had no light. If I had seen the danger in front of me I would have taken evasive action, at least I like to think I would.

Walking in the dark is dangerous, but a small light, aimed on the path, changes the dynamic drastically. Light shows what is ahead: pot holes, trees or…parking curbs.

How much safer it is to have illumination.

On the path of life choices, God, by His Word and by the Holy Spirit, offers me all the light I need, why then do I close my eyes to His direction and end up stumbling when I don’t need to.

My heavenly Father surely is shaking His head as He watches me risk injury as I stumble in darkness when He has provided light.

Angels were on each side of me that day because I didn’t fall, miraculously, with a little bobbling, I remained up-right.

             I hope my near accident will open my eyes to be attentive to the obstacles in life that God’s Word is anxious to deliver me from.

Jesus once again addressed them: “I am the world’s light. No one who follows me stumbles around in darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in.” John 8:12 Message Bible

Who is the Real Winner?

 

         Saturday morning I watched a young woman line up with a group of fit men and women of all ages, each one determined to conqueror a fifty mile race.

          After eight hours on the trails she had to relinquish that goal, admitting that today it was not to be.

          She arrived at the finish line in a car instead of running through the finish chute. There were tears and slumped shoulders as she was embraced by the director and co-director of the race and words of encouragement were spoken for her ears only.

          Some might say she failed today – that defeat won – but I say she exhibited a champion’s spirit when she toed the line at six a.m.

          Not many of us have experienced the physical and emotional pain that comes when you have reached your limit and gone beyond, mentally thinking…one more mile…when it is no longer possible, she has.

 

Indika, in my book you are a real winner.

Deck Sitting

Mom and I are making good use of a beautiful day. After weeding and lunch we are settled on the deck. Mom is reading and I am writing.

I don’t know if she spends much time outdoors but she will while I am here. Sitting outside is on my top 10 list of things I enjoy doing. However…sitting outside in dry Colorado is very different than sitting outside in hot, humid Illinois.

Check back with me later in the summer to see how my deck sitting forays are going.

Garden Lesson

A dry, warm day has arrived in Illinois. My mom and I spent several hours pulling weeds, I pulled, she bagged. There is a lot more to do but it is a start.

I love pulling weeds, there is something about removing what does not belong to allow what does, more room to grow.

How like our lives. When we allow worldly things and busyness to fill our lives there is no space for the God things to grow.

Is it time for weeding?

You Thought it was a STALL

Life has its stalls;

           no forward motion,
no backward motion,
           a standing still.
It can be okay, less stress,
but there is curiosity about why.
It is not a happy place
or a sad place,
           only a place.

You want to move forward
but where you put your foot,
           the next step,
is not there…yet.

So you wait and wonder.


When the hints start arriving
the magnitude of the motion that begins is unknown.

How fast, how far?


Faster and farther than you imagined,
or wanted to go,

but the momentum has begun
and there is no stopping it
because God is the one propelling you.

You put on the brakes
because the destination is frightening,
but you are leaving parts of you behind...

so you allow the force to carry you,
swallowing your fear

trusting God will take you
to your destination unharmed
and He will be there when you arrive.


I have been in a stall for months,
not a self-imposed stall

but a God-imposed stall.

It is over now
and I am roaring towards God’s radical destination for my life.

Extreme obedience is what is being required of me.

And I say yes

to God’s gentle command
for He did not hesitate
to send His Son Jesus to deliver me
from the destruction which would have been my end.

His cross,

giving his life,

has now become my cross,

giving my life for another.

Not the shedding blood kind of giving of my life

but laying down
what is precious to me.

Leaving behind my
husband,
children,
grandchildren,
friends,
writing group
and my church

and packing up for a move to Illinois

to become a twenty-four-hour in-home caregiver for my mother.

The woman who cared for me has a need.


As my mother was celebrating her 91st birthday in February
I did not know an insidious disease

was beginning to make its presence known.

No, it’s not cancer,

but another dreaded name:

Alzheimer’s.

As I’m studying about this affliction,
and making my packing list,

the tears linger.

Tears for what I am leaving behind

and tears for what I am going towards.



At times my heart seems to stutter,

I breathe deep and declare,
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”



Such a conflicting time,

Yet the peace of God is present.


I have no time frame
of my return to my home in Colorado.

God has that information and He is not saying.


Obedience is what He requires.

He has said, "go."

So I shall go.

I’ve not been this way before

but God knows the path

and He will not take me to a place
He has not already been
and isn’t already there.

My thoughts, says the Lord,are not like yours, and my ways are different from yours. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways and thoughts above yours. Isaiah 55:8-9 GNT.

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11

Are you in a Stall or does God have you racing to a new destination?

Reflections on National Novel Writing Month

Yesterday, November 30, NaNoWriMo wrapped up for another year. I again joined the almost 300,000 people from all over this globe, setting aside life for thirty days to challenge mind, body and spirit to a task that sounds doable at the beginning of the month. A task that takes guts, especially if you broadcast to family, friends and co-workers that you have jumped into the pool.

I hugely admire those who have full time jobs, children, marriages, volunteer jobs, and/or health issues. How have they accomplished this monumental task: by stealing hours from sleep, using lunch hours, writing while the kids are at their sporting events, dictating into a recorder while driving. I’m sure this list could be pages long, they used whatever moment they could because they had something to prove to others, maybe to themselves or perhaps there was a story in their heart that had to be put on paper. The reasons for writing a 50,000 word novel are as varied as the individuals doing the writing.

I became a NaNo winner for the fourth year in a row.

I now have four partially finished novels, one with a word count of over 83,000 words. What I have learned and how my writing has grown is the prize I focus on in this moment.

Philippians 3:12-14 in the Message translation says it so wonderfully.
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

After this, my fourth NaNo, I will say:

• I am well on my way.
• I do not count myself an expert in all of this
• I’ve got my eye on the goal
• I’m off and running
• I’m not turning back

Not a bad vision to have in front of me as I set my goal to finish the novel I am presently working on. I don’t have a title for it but I do have the chapter titles, they are taken from Ecclesiastes 3.

There is a time for everything, and everything on earth has its special season.
There is a time to be born
and a time to die.
There is a time to plant
and a time to pull up plants.
There is a time to kill
and a time to heal.
There is a time to destroy
and a time to build.
There is a time to cry
and a time to laugh.
There is a time to be sad
and a time to dance.
There is a time to throw away stones
and a time to gather them.
There is a time to hug
and a time not to hug.
There is a time to look for something
and a time to stop looking for it.
There is a time to keep things
and a time to throw things away.
There is a time to tear apart
and a time to sew together.
There is a time to be silent
and a time to speak.
There is a time to love
and a time to hate.
There is a time for war
and a time for peace.

So with the month of November behind me but much writing ahead how am I feeling today? Tired, discouraged, frantic, disappointed. Most of all fearful that I will once again end up with a partially finished novel; I count that as failure. I know that some novels don’t deserve to be finished, however, unless I am able to write The End, even to a lousy, stinking piece of garbage how will I know that I can do this. God has called and whom He calls, He equips, so it is not God’s failure but mine if I don’t press through. He gives me an answer.

Ecclesiastes 3:9-13 Contemporary English Version

What do we gain by all our hard work? I have seen what difficult things God demands of us. God makes everything happen at the right time. Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done, and he puts questions in our minds about the past and the future. I know the best thing we can do is to always enjoy life, because God’s gift to us is the happiness we get from our food and drink and from the work we do.

He doesn’t promise it will be easy. Contentment waits for me at The End.

Now with Christmas twenty-five days away my focus shifts to the holidays, decorating the house, sending cards, cooking, shopping, wrapping, cleaning, family time.

Today I feel sad, tomorrow may be a day of dance.

Story Setting

It is said that an important part of a good story is the setting. I am claiming that an important part of a writer’s life is to have a good setting to write in.

I am on the deck of my brother-in-law and sister-in-law’s home in Illinois. This is a setting to be inspired in.

I’m thinking of asking them if they need a house sitter when they go out of town. I would relish a week in this place by myself to soak up the quiet and inspiration. I love the sound of water and if I can't be by a beach a waterfall will do. This one is beautiful.

Why does it seem so difficult to be inspired at home? Is it the laundry screaming to be done or the dog’s hair that floats across the floor when I enter a room.

“A writer should be able to write anywhere,” I get it, but my spirit craves a setting like this. I realize that part of the appeal is not having the pressure of a schedule. I understand why some writers run off to cabins in the mountains or cottages by the sea. I admire those who produce quantity and quality in the midst of caring for children and a work schedule. I also will not condemn myself for needing a solitary place to write.

I thank my God for giving me this time, even if it is only for a few hours. I relish it.

I Have an Addiction

I’m on a high, writing, learning craft, writing, learning craft. Going to writing workshops, seminars, writer’s guild meetings, fellowship with other writers. I love this lifestyle. Runners get a high from running, when a writer is writing the adrenaline flowing can be addictive, a good addictive.

I challenged myself in my last blog to set a goal for my writing. I haven’t gotten as far as I would like but I am working at it. Taking a huge step in the right direction.

Today, like many of the wonderful summer days we are experiencing, I am sitting on my deck working on my craft.

This is what things typically look like:

notebook, mechanical pencil (my favorite writing instrument, I have them all over the house. Sam’s Club sells them in bulk),

cup of tea,

writing books,

 reading glasses (does anyone else need these?),

my camera

and my Netbook or my laptop spread out on the table. The umbrella on the table is up to block out the scorching sun or I couldn’t sit out here.

My companion Sammy remains close by.

Occasionally I have to stop to take a picture of the wildlife around me.
Two precious fawns grabbed my attention.

Like many writer’s I struggle with not trusting my writing. If it all depended on me I should be worried but God says write and He will provide the inspiration to make it into something worthwhile. My job is to show up daily and see what He drops into my spirit for that day. It may be to add to my story, maybe to write a blog or perhaps I need to read one of my many
books on the craft of writing.

It is all a part of this business called writing, and I LOVE IT.

“When I am writing I am doing the thing I was meant to do.” Anne Sexton

What Will it Take...

This weekend my daughter Coleen completed the Western States 100 mile Endurance Run.

Coleen Voeks crossing the finish line and receiving her finisher's medal.

This race began at 5am on Saturday and the runners must have completed it in under thirty hours. This involves running up and down mountains, through snow and heat, through the day and night. This is not her first 100 miler but an important one to her. Her father completed this race in 1984. Coleen finished in 28 hours and 46 minutes.

Coleen, 11 years-old, at Western States with her dad when he had completed the race in 1984.



As I thought about her accomplishment I began to think about the goals she had to set, the preparation and discipline it took to complete this race. The principles can apply to any goal.

Coleen’s accomplishment inspired me to set goals to finish my first novel, (sadly I have three particial novels), and have the finished novel ready to present to agents and publishers at the ACFW conference in 2013.

Getting a novel written and ready to be seen by agents, and publishers, is not a sprint but a long distance endurance run so, I think, I hope, I have set a reasonable goal. That gives me twenty-six months. I have begun my calendar of check-points to reaching my goal. Those who have finished a novel and presented it to agents please let me know if I need to allow myself more time.

Who am I going to surround myself with to help me reach this lofty place? Other writer’s of course. My daughter has her group of running friends; some went with her to California and paced her through the last part of the race. That is the kind of friends I need. Those who won’t let me quit and won’t let me put in any performance but my best.

I’ve been involved in a wonderful writer's group for three years and have attended two excellent writer’s conferences; my bookshelves are loaded with books on the craft of writing. I have the tools, now I need to apply them as I let my fingers fly across my keyboard. I hope there will be more "fingers flying" than "head banging."

Along this road to my dream, another goal I have set is to lose weight and get physically strong. I turn sixty-five on Thursday and I don’t want to look, or act, like a person of age. I am young at heart and my body needs to be able to keep up with where I want to take it.

It is time that I seriously begin the journey God has called me to, it is one I will be on for the rest of my life.

This is the prize Coleen received for finishing her race. A large belt buckle.

My Prize? A published novel.

What goal have you been pushing back, thinking, I’ll start tomorrow? The clock is ticking. What hints can you give to others for accomplishing the thing that won't let go of them?