Heart Beat

 

HEART BEAT

 

Lift my heart Lord

    From the despair within.

Fill me with your presence

    Show me your light.

 

Night time needs to be over,

    I need the glories of your Sun.

The pain is deep

    And brokenness overwhelms me.

 

Your challenge is to trust

    I am weary from the battle.

 

Can you see my unshed tears

    Bottled so deep inside?

They want to be shed

    But something I don’t see or

    Understand stops them.

 

I am tied to this place

    With invisible chains.

I want to break free

    But what if when the chains fall

    There is nothing left of me but dust.

 

I return to you, my true refuge

    Gasping for air, for peace and

    For my heart to beat without pain.

 

Heal me Lord as only you can.

    Put my feet upon a clear path.

 

Surround me with Love.

 

By Diane Marie Shaw    (Being Real)

Stop the Pain

Pain...sometimes it creeps up on you and you have to decide what to do with it.

I’m not talking about bodily aches but the knife in your heart and twist it pain.

The, take your breath away, pain. What do you do with it?

You allow it to stay and you hold it up to the light and study it, turning it this way and that, checking out every angle and facet. The pain deepens.

Or...you accept that it is there but decide not to allow it to linger.

You offer it to God as a sweet smelling sacrifice, knowing He loves you and will never leave you and that He has carried your sorrows.

I choose to do the latter. I know the pain will return but each time I hope to send it away quicker.

So I take a deep breath, even though it is a painful breath, and REJOICE in my God.

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11 Message

Words Aren't Enough

Day 23 of 40 days of Lenten Posts

Yesterday I blogged about our life being like a race, we will all cross the finish line at some point.

I have a heavy heart today. Three of our church families are suffering pain from deaths that occurred this week and another family from the loss of their husband/father that happened last month. A very dear friend lost her sixty-four-year-old sister, another member’s eight-year-old son died of pneumonia and another family lost their four-month-old daughter to SIDS.

All those who crossed the finish line this week, were sudden, there were no prolonged illnesses. Death can make its appearance that way. It is not required to send us notice that it is showing up.

The pain they are experiencing is their pain; we can’t compare ours to theirs.

We are at a loss for words when we see these families but that is okay. Hugging and sharing tears can be better than a fountain of words that wound more than heal.

We have the comfort that each of these are in their eternal home in heaven and we who have chosen to believe Acts 16:30-31 “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” They relied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved…  will be reunited with them for eternity.

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life.

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7 NLT

Christmas Vision

Christmas Eve, the house will be filled with people and dogs. My son and his girlfriend will drive down from Denver to spend the night and my daughter and son-in-law from Kansas will be spending several days with us. Our son and daughter in law, who live in Colorado Springs, will be coming over with our granddaughter.

I close my eyes and take in the sounds and smells. The noise of laughter and voices talking over each other is sweet to my ears. My mouth is watering from the smell of the brisket cooking merrily in the oven. I open my eyes and peer at the lighted Christmas tree, the presents pushed under it spill out into the room.

For the first time in over six years all my children will be together. My heart swells with joy. I will be like a mother hen gathering her chicks under her wings.

Do you remember being disappointed as a child on Christmas morning when the one thing you really wanted wasn’t under the tree? It didn’t matter that you got boxes and boxes of gifts; the one thing you ached for was missing.

That ache is in my heart right now. After waiting for six years to have my children together we will miss the opportunity by one day. The vision is gone like a vapor blown away on the wind. My daughter will start a job on December 23 and they will not be able to make the drive from Kansas. She and her husband closed their retail business this summer and they have been looking for jobs for months. This job is a wonderful Christmas gift for them but their gift is my bitter pill.

Only another mother can understand the dull pain in my heart and the tears that well up at this loss. Some may think I am being foolish but this is what I am feeling right now and feelings are real. There is something precious and fulfilling in having your all your children around you at the same time. It is seeing and experiencing the fruit of your labors, loving and nurturing your children into adulthood. I would give anything to make this gathering happen, but I can’t.

I know that God will bring the healing balm of Gilead to my soul and that I will be able to have a thankful heart, but allow me a few days of lamenting and please don’t judge me.

Picture: MorgueFile

Vertically Challenged...Part 2

Grocery shopping is an adventure for those under 5’ tall.
When the item I want is on the top shelf, at the very edge, I can reach it with some stretching. But if that first can or box is gone then the challenge begins. I stand on the bottom shelf, if I can get my foot there, and I can sometimes grab what I want. If the item is back any further I look through my purse for something that is long and ridged, like a comb and then I reach up and try to scoot that item to the edge of the shelf. I have had a few things fall and almost hit me on the head. Did you know that grocery shopping could be hazardous to your health, and I’m not talking about what you purchase to eat? If I have nothing in my purse I begin looking for a store clerk or a customer who is tall and ask for their help. Sometimes I don’t need the item bad enough to go through the gymnastics to get it.

When I am at church, conferences or any place where I am sitting in a chair taking notes I have to cross my legs to keep my book from sliding off my lap, it gets very uncomfortable after a while. Folding chairs are agony for me to sit on for long periods of time; they just don’t fit my body.

I need a desk that is custom made so that I don’t suffer the pain in my shoulders and neck from my hands being at a straining angle when writing or using my lap top. If I raise my chair so that my hands can be in the correct position my feet are not on the floor but on the legs of the chair, as I am seated as I write this. Putting the lap top in my lap doesn’t work unless I can be seated in a very low chair because the lap top would not stay on my lap; it tends to go the direction my knees are facing, that is down towards the floor.

More adventures will be coming. How do you cope with the above issues if you are 5’ tall or under?