"For skillful and godly Wisdom is better than rubies or pearls,
and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared with it." Proverbs 8:11 Amplified

Monday, June 15, 2009

Broken


Broken. Inside. Asking why doesn’t reveal answers, at least answers I am ready to receive.

Hurt. Physical ache in my heart.

Heading in the right direction? Or heading in the wrong direction?

Satisfaction is not in sight. Everything I do is not enough. Not enough in my own eyes.

There is a plug, holding back creativity, joy, contentedness.

A fountain of frustration and anger wants to erupt.
What will come out?
Is the frustration with others or myself?
I think myself.

Expectations. Too high? God has very high expectations.
Maybe too low? I hadn’t thought of that. Perhaps if the expectations are raised I will push hard. Push past the plug.

PUSH - Pray Until Something Happens.
Prayer, the communication with God that erupts from deep within your spirit, not from your mind. The mind is a swirling mass of information taken in over a lifetime, some good, but most useless. The useless is what gets attention. It is time to change that.

What makes sense? My life doesn’t right now. I have everything, but feel nothing. Nothing because, right now, in this moment, I am not producing for the Kingdom. I will not find satisfaction until I return to my first love. Until I relent to the work of my fingers on a keyboard, or pen on paper, pulling words from the fount of God’s eternal supply.

3 comments:

smithsk said...

When I picture broken, I picture Gideon and his small band fighting the Midianites, breaking their clay pots so the light shone through then God gave them the victory. We are those clay pots and when they are broken, God's light shines through and He gives us the victory.

Need More Words said...

Thank you Susan, what a word of encouragement.

denise said...

I so identify with what you're feeling right now. I've felt stuck like this for very long stretches in my life. You will get unstuck, but in the meantime, it is so uncomfortable! Take care, Diane!