The Note

“Daughter, you don’t understand my love, you think it has to do with what you do and don’t do. That is not it, you just don’t get it.

What do I have to do to show you my love, wasn’t giving my son on the cross enough. Wasn’t a crown of thorns on his head enough, wasn’t a cross enough.

What would be enough to show you how much I love you? I can’t do anymore, you receive it, believe it. I can’t do more, I have done it all.

It grieves me when you don’t believe me, I weep for you to understand. I will never leave you or forsake you, but you leave and forsake me.

You go around with thoughts running through your mind that you are not good enough, that you have nothing to offer, that you are not real, that you are fake and if anyone knew the real you they would not like you.

You go around trying to get everyone to like you, they already love you. You don’t know how many people love you including your husband. You touch hearts for me. I have put love in you and you know how to love but you don’t know how to receive love.

Lay your head in my lap and let me heal the hurts, some are ones you have inflicted on yourself because you don’t believe me. I want to heal them all to make you whole, nothing missing, nothing broken.

You are broken right now, there is pain in you right now, I did not put it there, you have it because you receive it, you put it there yourself because you refuse to just be who I created you to be.

You are a wonder. Right now you are refusing to receive it, you don’t feel worthy, you reject my gift to you. Just receive it.

Open your heart, it won’t burst, stop or bleed to death. Jesus already took the sword to his heart, so yours could be whole, healed and bursting with love, not condemnation. Never condemnation. If that is there it is not from me.

I convict where I see sin but I never condemn. You do that to yourself, you think less of yourself than I do. I see a…yes you must type it…I see a beautiful, holy, gracious, loving creation made in my image to do good, good, good works for me. You are able; you are created for me, for me. Not your husband, not the world but for me.

You and I have a pact, you come to me and I speak to you like I am doing right now. We are one, I in you, you in me. Feel it, you are whole, wholly mine, forever mine. Don’t leave me again.

I have work for you to do. I will, I will use you to write for my kingdom, for my glory. Hear my voice, listen to my spirit. I will give you the words, the ones that will impact and change lives.

Don’t worry, don’t work so hard, it will come and it will come easy. It will not be like others because I have declared that I need what you will do. I know that you are a vessel that I can trust. Your heart is pure and holy I can use you.

Go now. I love you.

Daddy”

 

I journal and God speaks back to me and I write what He speaks. This was from a journal entry of September 21, 2009.

As I read this today I was touched by God’s love but also pricked because He could write this same letter to me today because nothing has changed in me. Sad isn’t it. It is time for me to take up God’s image of me. He made it very clear how he sees me it is time for me to see myself this way too.

Reread this note from God, could He have written it to you?

Do you have a Godly image of yourself or have you allowed your image to be distorted by the world, your past and your doubts?

 

 

Curb Your Steps

 

On Saturday I stumbled over something I did not see. I wasn’t able to see the six inch high parking curb because I had no light. If I had seen the danger in front of me I would have taken evasive action, at least I like to think I would.

Walking in the dark is dangerous, but a small light, aimed on the path, changes the dynamic drastically. Light shows what is ahead: pot holes, trees or…parking curbs.

How much safer it is to have illumination.

On the path of life choices, God, by His Word and by the Holy Spirit, offers me all the light I need, why then do I close my eyes to His direction and end up stumbling when I don’t need to.

My heavenly Father surely is shaking His head as He watches me risk injury as I stumble in darkness when He has provided light.

Angels were on each side of me that day because I didn’t fall, miraculously, with a little bobbling, I remained up-right.

             I hope my near accident will open my eyes to be attentive to the obstacles in life that God’s Word is anxious to deliver me from.

Jesus once again addressed them: “I am the world’s light. No one who follows me stumbles around in darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in.” John 8:12 Message Bible

Garden Lesson

A dry, warm day has arrived in Illinois. My mom and I spent several hours pulling weeds, I pulled, she bagged. There is a lot more to do but it is a start.

I love pulling weeds, there is something about removing what does not belong to allow what does, more room to grow.

How like our lives. When we allow worldly things and busyness to fill our lives there is no space for the God things to grow.

Is it time for weeding?

Love Your Neighbor

Day 32 of 40 days of Lenten Posts

“The second most important commandment is this: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:31 God’s Word Translation

Each loving act says loud and clear, “I love you. God loves you. I care. God cares.”

A warm-from-the-oven casserole taken to the home of a sick friend…
A bouquet of flowers from your garden given to a neighbor…
A thank-you note sent to the performers who did such an excellent job during a concert or play you attended…
A loaf of freshly baked cinnamon bread brought to the office for coffee break…
A box of cookies taken to the police station on Christmas day to encourage those who are “on duty” during the holiday…
A call to ask with genuine care and concern, “How are you doing?...”
We may not think of these as acts of Christian witnessing, yet they are. Every act of lovingkindness reflects God’s lovingkindness for His people. We give because Jesus Christ has so freely given His love to us. He is the example we follow.
Never dismiss an act of lovingkindness as being too small or inconsequential. God will magnify even our smallest deeds to reveal His love to others.
From: God’s Little Devotional Book for Women. Honor Books

Love Path

Day 30 of 40 days of Lenten Posts

Love Path

God Loves Me

I Love God

I Love my neighbor

When I know and experience the love of God toward me I overflow with love back to Him.

Mark 12:30 commands me to “Love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength.” Good News Translation
All – not some, but all of me. That means putting His will before mine.
Putting away self serving thoughts and actions.
Loving Him with my heart above my husband, family, ministry, job, money, fame.

I love Him for promising me eternity with Him in heaven.
I love Him for changing my life, for showing me what real freedom is.
I love Him because while I was still a sinner He loved me.
I love Him because I can’t not love Him.

God's Love Toward Us

Day 29 of 40 days of Lenten Posts


God’s love is:

Limitless

Overwhelming

Victorious

Everlasting

The unfailing love of the Lord never ends. By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. Lamentations 3:22-23

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.” John 3:16-18 The Message

Image: Jim Marr's Book It Was Out of Love

The Gift

Day 28 of 40 days of Lenten Posts

 

This morning I was given a gift.

 A fresh twenty-four hours to relish life.

One-thousand-four-hundred and forty minutes.

 What I do with those minutes is totally in my hands.

I may give twenty of them to prayer, thirty of them to my husband, one-hundred and twenty to watching television, four-hundred-eighty plus to working. I better allow some time for my children.

 I end the day with no minutes leftover, every minute has been used up. But I have to question myself, “Did I use them in the best way I could have?”

Henry David Thoreau said, “Why should we live with such hurry and waste of life?”

 Indeed, hurry is a waste of life.

Each day of creation God took on a new task. Notice that He spread creation out. He could have done it all in one day, He was certainly capable. I think He was showing us how to live our lives, focusing each day on the task ahead, not trying to do too much. At the end of each day of creation it says that God saw that it was good.

Can we say at the end of each day, “It was good.”

Being always in the moment and attuned to His voice I believe we can.

Murmuring + Discontent = Deadly

Day 20 of 40 days of Lenten Blogs

Life is rough, unkind and at times totally unfair. It is easy to complain and there are lots of people who will agree with you and add their list of complaints to yours. But special and precious is the one person who will remind you of all the things in your life that haven’t gone wrong.

If you don’t have a person like this in your life then you have to be that person to yourself. You have to recall the right things in your life and be thankful for them.

Murmuring and causing discontent is deadly.
We must be careful not to stir up discontent; discontent destroyed them. I Cor. 10:10 Message
The Israelites had first-hand experience with this. Numbers 14:26-29

A thankful heart is a full heart; an unthankful heart is one that is squeezed shut with bitterness.

When your world is spinning out of control and you wonder if you have any faith left to get you through, try this exercise. Make a list of those things you are thankful for.

Right now I am thankful for feeling good. Sunday I was sideswiped with twenty-four -hour flu. I hate being sick so I am thankful when my body is acting as it should. I am thankful my husband has a job after being unemployed for over a year. He isn’t real happy with this job but we are thankful for it. God will bring something else when the time is right. I am thankful for a car that runs well and a roof over my head. I am thankful for a free voice to write this blog. I am thankful for my dog, Sammy, she is a sweetie. I am thankful for my children and my grandchildren. I am thankful for a chair to sit in, for food on my table, and for friends. The list could go on and on but I think you get the idea.

I won’t give you a list of complaints, I could probably come up with a bunch of those too but I would rather put my thankful heart to work and watch my faith grow.

When I review all the good things in my life and all the times God has been faithful I know whatever I am going through right now my heavenly Father is with me and will bring me through this as I lay my requests before Him with thankfulness in my heart.

So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him. Matt 7:11 NLT

Sammy

Beginning to End

Day nine of my 40 days of Lenten posts

God has made everything beautiful for its own time.

He has planted eternity in the human heart,

but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work

from beginning

to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 NLT

Not seeing what God has in mind for our lives, from our sunrise to our sunset, we trust in Him.

BELIEVE

I’m sitting in my office comfy chair, as opposed to my desk chair, and in the mirror on the wall I see the reflection of a gift from a dear friend. It is a decorative stand with an encouraging word attached, that word is Believe. It is my reminder that whatever I have need of, the first step in receiving is believing.

I smile when I look at that sign. It is an answer from God when I have a question.

“God, will spring come to Colorado Springs?”
God: “Believe.”

“God, will I ever be a published author?”
God: “Believe.”

“God, can our nation get back to its firm roots?”
God, “Believe.”

Sometimes it is easy to believe, but in the deep, painful places it is hard. When the believing stretches on for twenty plus years and I ask, “When God?”

His answer is still, “Believe.”

LIVING GETS IN THE WAY OF LIFE

Well it’s been a while since I have shown up at my blogsite.

Sometimes living gets in the way of life.

Guess that is where I have been at the past few weeks. I am beginning to poke my head out of my hole. Punxsutawney Phil poked his head out to see if he would see his shadow, I am poking my head out hoping it won’t get shot off. Seems I have been the target of spiritual attacks.

Not spending time in God’s Word and letting thoughts run through my mind that are clearly not God’s thoughts have caused some pretty scary feelings. Forgetting to admonish the scripture to take every thought captive and think on good things, makes for a lousy life. So glad God doesn’t give up on me. Getting myself back on the right track. I crave the peace that He is so willing to give to me and His forgiveness, oh, His soul cleansing forgiveness.

Determining to get back to first things first. God, His Word and Prayer. Truly, it is that simple.

Do you ever look up at where you are and wonder, how did I get here, it’s not where I was intending to go? The good news is you don’t have to stay there. Yea God, He provides a way out. Glory.

Photo:MorgueFile

FINDING GOD IN SILENCE

We need to find God,

and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.

God is the friend of silence.

See how nature—trees, flowers, grass—grows in silence;

see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence…

We need silence to be able to touch souls.

Mother Teresa

Photo: courtesy of Morguefile.com

LIVING

It is almost the end of January, the first month of the year 2010. Everyone has been talking about their plans and focus for this New Year. Contemplating that one month of the twelve is already gone, I let my mind wander to what I see my life encompassing for this year and beyond.

Life Changes

Stages

Seasons

Never stagnant

New horizons

Excitement

Vision

Hope

Letting go

Grabbing on

Embracing tenderly

Laughing

Dancing

Tears

Gentleness

Organization

Simplifying

Getting tough

Saying no

Saying yes

Mourning

Rejoicing

Priorities

Family

Friends

God

Sounds like a full life.

PURPOSE

NaNoWriMo 2009 is over, but the writing continues. I finished the month with 72,479 words. I have another 20 to 30,000 more words to write to finish the rough draft. Then the fun begins: the editing. I am looking forward to taking my novel line by line and making it the best I can, then handing it over to others. I think it is a good story that others will be able to read and say, yeah, been there, done that.


God has a purpose and plan for every person He has created, yes that means you too. When you ask God what your purpose is He doesn’t say, “oops I forgot to plan something for you, I’ll see if I can find something in this bucket of left over bolts.”

You know that bucket, the one you have, the one that contains all the leftover screws and bolts from those assembly projects you have done. God doesn’t reach down in that bucket and pull something out, hand it to you and tell you to see if it fits. "Nope, that screw is too big," you hand it back to Him and He digs in again to try something else. And, no, He never throws up His hands and says, “I just don’t know what to do with you.” I’ve heard parents say that to their children but our Father God is never at a loss.

My Main Character thinks she knows what God’s purpose is for her life, but she has never asked Him, she is pursuing her own goals. All her striving to reach HER goal brings nothing but frustration, tears, anger and ultimately the worst betrayal, the Judas kiss from her father. When everything is stripped away she finally asks God, “What do you want me to do with my life?” And surprise, He has the answer for her. It has been in front of her all along.

Do you know what your God ordained purpose is? If you do, are you pursing it and stripping away those things that are a hindrance to that goal. There is nothing that will give you greater pleasure in life than being in the center, the bull’s eye, of God’s target. Every person in their place participating in God’s plan for their life brings total life to the body of Christ and the world at large. I know that sounds grandiose but think about the individuals called to be researchers, teachers, politicians, writers, mothers, accountants, carpenters, doctors, musicians, etc., each performing their God given purpose brings the world into harmony, like a symphony.

I’m sure you have heard of, or you know people who have worked for 20-30 years at a job they hate when their real love is fixing broken lawn mowers, they just have a knack for figuring out what is wrong. That knack may be God’s purpose for their life. Just think where we would be without someone to fix our lawn mowers. That may seem like a silly example but it is fact. No position is greater than another position. If fixing lawn mowers is the right position for you than you shouldn’t stoop to be the mayor of your town.

At the end of a year and the beginning of a new year most people give at least a brief glimpse back and forward to see where their life has been and where they are going, wouldn’t this be a good time to ask God what His purpose is for your life? Once you know, it is your responsibility to begin working towards that goal. Yes, I said work, it won’t be handed to you just because it is God’s purpose.

Here is a question for you. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail and money was not an issue?

When I was asked that question five years ago my answer was, to be a writer and a speaker. I was doing neither. Now I have had a short story published and I am working on a novel. This is God’s calling for my life and I love it.

photo image:flickr

A Love Letter

I was pondering what I would write for my next blog. I frequently start my writing, when I don’t know the direction I am going to go, with some rambling, then the words start to flow. I went to the book of 1 Corinthians 13 and typed out the love passage from the Message Bible. I rambled about God’s love for His people and my love for my family when God started to speak to me. To some this may sound very strange but God speaks to my mind and I write what I hear him speak. What He gave me tonight was a love letter and I believe it is not just for me, so here is God’s love letter to His daughters (I guess you guys can have it to).

Daughter, you don’t understand my love, you think it has to do with what you do and don’t do. That is not it, you just don’t get it. What do I have to do to show you my love, wasn’t giving my son on the cross enough? Wasn’t a crown of thorns on his head enough? What would be enough to show you how much I love you? I can’t do anymore, you receive it, believe it. I can’t do more, I have done it all. It grieves me when you don’t believe me, I weep for you to understand. I will never leave you or forsake you, but you leave and forsake me. You go around with thoughts running through your mind that you are not good enough, that you have nothing to offer, that you are not real, that you are fake and if anyone knew the real you they would not like you. You go around trying to get everyone to like you, they already love you. You don’t know how many people love you, including your husband. You touch hearts for me. I have put love in you and you know how to love, but you don’t know how to receive love. Lay your head in my lap and let me heal the hurts, some are ones you have inflicted on yourself because you don’t believe me. I want to heal them all, to make you whole, nothing missing, nothing broken. You are broken right now, there is pain in you right now, I did not put it there, you have it because you receive it, you put it there yourself because you refuse to just be who I created you to be. You are a wonder. Right now you are refusing to receive it, you don’t feel worthy, you reject my gift to you. Just receive it. Open your heart, it won’t burst, stop or bleed to death. Jesus already took the sword to his heart, so yours could be whole, healed and bursting with love, not condemnation. Never condemnation. If that is there, it is not from me. I convict where I see sin but I never condemn. You do that to yourself, you think less of yourself than I do. I see a… yes you must type it… I see a beautiful, holy, gracious, loving creation made in my image to do good, good, good works for me. You are able; you are created for me, for me. Not your husband, not the world but for me. You and I have a pact, you come to me and I speak to you like I am doing right now. We are one, I in you, you in me. Feel it, you are whole, wholly mine, forever mine. Don’t leave me again. I have work for you to do. I will, I will use you to write for my kingdom, for my glory. Hear my voice, listen to my spirit. I will give you the words, the ones that will impact and change lives. Don’t worry, don’t work so hard, it will come and it will come easy. It will not be like others because I have declared that I need what you will do. I know that you are a vessel that I can trust. Your heart is pure and holy I can use you. Go now. I love you.


Daddy

Image: MorgueFile

Adventure with Daddy

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. When you cross rivers, you will not drown. When you walk through fire, you will not be burned, nor will the flames hurt you. Isaiah 43:2 NCV

Adventure in the woods with daddy, that’s what this weekend was for my 33 month old granddaughter Callie. Her mom was at a women’s retreat and my son Robert, along with another dad, and his three boys, took off for a camping trip. From the pictures I have seen she was one happy camper. Can you imagine one little girl with five testosterone males? Anything could happen. I was praying.

This picture I posted of them speaks a thousand words to me. I see her daddy watching over her as she crosses a suspended log. Callie seems perfectly at peace, not demonstrating any fear. Why is that? She knows her daddy is right behind her. She has trust in him. If she starts to slip he will catch her. Callie knows this because she spends lots of time with her daddy and she knows he will be there for her. He has a good track record.

This picture made me think of our heavenly Father. Picture yourself as the little girl, with Father God behind you, ready to catch you if you should stumble, as you take the steps He is encouraging you to take. It can be scary when there are no handrails, no safety net, and looking down turns your stomach. Can you trust Him when He says, “Go ahead, I won’t let you fall.” If we haven’t spent time with Him, to know Him, we won’t have developed the trust we so desperately need. He has an unfailing track record.

Jesus said in Matthew 18:3 “I tell you the truth, you must change and become like little children. Otherwise, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” NCV

I want to have the kind of faith and trust I see Callie demonstrating, child like faith.

Do you have that kind of faith?

Callie's dad is always finding injured birds. That is a real live humming bird in her hand.

Trash Talk

"I am so angry that he said that to me!" I seethed.

Going to my room I stop just short of slamming the door. Tears spurt from my eyes, and my nose is running.

I reach for the phone to call a friend, but before I can lift the receiver I hear:

"Counsel with Me, and look to Me alone for your direction and your encouragement."

"God, can't I call someone?"

"No, talk to me."

"But I need someone with skin on to talk to."

"No, I said, talk to me."

"I don't want to listen to you right now."

This is a frequent conversation between God and me. From the time I became His child this is how He and I have worked things out, together.

If I pour out my anger and anguish to Him, seeking His direction and encouragement, I never have any regrets.

However, when I have gone to others, when God has said "no," there are always regrets; I wish that I could take back the spoken words.

The phone call, or the visit made to someone with skin on, in the guise of seeking advice, is really me seeking someone to dump my garbage on.

When I am honest with myself I admit I want someone else to know the "hardships I am enduring," and to hear them say to me, "you poor thing." I want to have a Pity Party and I want to invite others. The problem with a Pity Party is you aren't serving chocolates, and we all know that any successful party must have chocolates; what you are serving is stinky, smelly, rotting garbage. So now instead of one person carrying the foul odor you have two or more.

When I take my heartaches to God he takes the stink I offer Him, accompanied by my rants, raves, and tears and He dries my face, washes away the stink and covers me in the fragrance of His grace, mercy and unconditional love.

He doesn't always give me answers, I usually already know the answer, but He listens, attentively, no matter how much I rant and rave, and that is what I am most in need of, a listening ear that will not be made stinky by my waste products from a bitter and unforgiving heart.

How do I feel after my time with Him? Sometimes refreshed, sometimes convicted, but always, always loved.

Photo: Dreamstime.com

Vassal or Vessel?

Acts 9:15 NKJV
…he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the children of Israel.

“God please use me.”
Have you ever prayed that? Sure you have, most of us have, but what are we saying when we pray that? Do we really want to be “used” by God?

Be truthful, no one likes to be “used” by another person.

What is your reaction when you realize that someone has “used” you to promote themselves? Do you respond with anger, or bitterness, maybe you find yourself saying, “I will never let that happen to me again.”

In light of this, why would we pray to be “used” by God?

I know, I know, it sounds so spiritual.

What God desires from us is the willingness to be a vessel though which He can work.

God wants VESSELS, not VASSALS.

A vassal is a person who is a servant or slave. It also means to be subjected to control, to enslave.

A vessel is a person into whom some quality (as grace) is infused.

We pour into vessels, and then pour out of them. God pours into us what He needs us to pour out to others. This isn’t” using”; this is sharing in the work.

God wants to do a beautiful work through us. In the book of Acts He says about us: “he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name.”

Chosen: “to want; desire.” God desires to impart into you a quality that will be used for His kingdom. You are not a servant or slave, you are a son. Gal 4:7 Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.

Josh 24:15 NIV… then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…

So what is your preference?

Choose this day; will you serve God as a Vassal, or as a Vessel?

Image from MorgueFile

Broken

Broken. Inside. Asking why doesn’t reveal answers, at least answers I am ready to receive.

Hurt. Physical ache in my heart.

Heading in the right direction? Or heading in the wrong direction?

Satisfaction is not in sight. Everything I do is not enough. Not enough in my own eyes.

There is a plug, holding back creativity, joy, contentedness.

A fountain of frustration and anger wants to erupt.
What will come out?
Is the frustration with others or myself?
I think myself.

Expectations. Too high? God has very high expectations.
Maybe too low? I hadn’t thought of that. Perhaps if the expectations are raised I will push hard. Push past the plug.

PUSH - Pray Until Something Happens.
Prayer, the communication with God that erupts from deep within your spirit, not from your mind. The mind is a swirling mass of information taken in over a lifetime, some good, but most useless. The useless is what gets attention. It is time to change that.

What makes sense? My life doesn’t right now. I have everything, but feel nothing. Nothing because, right now, in this moment, I am not producing for the Kingdom. I will not find satisfaction until I return to my first love. Until I relent to the work of my fingers on a keyboard, or pen on paper, pulling words from the fount of God’s eternal supply.