"For skillful and godly Wisdom is better than rubies or pearls,
and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared with it." Proverbs 8:11 Amplified

Monday, October 29, 2012



I’m at the starting line, revving my creative engine, ready to release the brake, hit the gas and take off.

I have one roadblock,

 I don’t know where I'm going.

            I have 2 ½ days to think up characters, and a plot.

            Something has to develop, I don’t want to look like this on November 30th.

If you are participating in NaNoWriMo do you have your story sketched out?



Wednesday, October 17, 2012


            Today I am down, have the blues, am depressed, whatever you want to call it. I sit quietly seeking why.

            At first I thought it was for selfish reasons, being away from home, my husband, children and grandchildren. That wasn’t the reason and it would have been a lot easier if it was because then I could have a good strong talk with myself and tell myself to get over myself.

            The source, which I now see as pain, is watching a woman lose herself and knowing I can do nothing to stop it.

            The past two days I’ve seen a change in my mother, and it saddens me. There is more confusion, responses to questions don’t make sense and the loss of words and using the wrong word increases. I ignore the incorrect; I will not shame her by pointing out her errors.

            She is bitter, angry and finds no pleasure in life which makes caring for her a challenge. I lose my temper when she speaks hurtful, untrue words about others (she believes they are true). I stop her ranting, telling her I don’t want to listen to this.

            Everything I say to her has to be repeated twice even if I have her attention the first time I say it. Unfortunately the second time I say it my tone is harsh. Today I’ve worked on repeating it with a lilt in my voice, oh, if only I could do this every time.

            Watching her today I wondered what her shrinking world was like. She can’t hear, can’t understand, she forgets, she thinks we are all thieves and want to take her house away from her. She hates crowds (anything over 2 or 3 people is a crowd), she can’t stand noise (even restaurants are a trial because of conversations all around her she can’t track with anything). My sister and I attempt to bring some enjoyment into her life but unfortunately she can’t find pleasure in anything, all things are bad. We keep trying.

            Her world has become so small and I know it will shrink more and more. I want to cut away the chains that are wrapping tighter and tighter around her mind, destroying it bit by bit but I can do nothing. Alzheimer’s is a foe that cannot be subdued.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Curb Your Steps


On Saturday I stumbled over something I did not see. I wasn’t able to see the six inch high parking curb because I had no light. If I had seen the danger in front of me I would have taken evasive action, at least I like to think I would.

Walking in the dark is dangerous, but a small light, aimed on the path, changes the dynamic drastically. Light shows what is ahead: pot holes, trees or…parking curbs.

How much safer it is to have illumination.

On the path of life choices, God, by His Word and by the Holy Spirit, offers me all the light I need, why then do I close my eyes to His direction and end up stumbling when I don’t need to.

My heavenly Father surely is shaking His head as He watches me risk injury as I stumble in darkness when He has provided light.

Angels were on each side of me that day because I didn’t fall, miraculously, with a little bobbling, I remained up-right.

             I hope my near accident will open my eyes to be attentive to the obstacles in life that God’s Word is anxious to deliver me from.

Jesus once again addressed them: “I am the world’s light. No one who follows me stumbles around in darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in.” John 8:12 Message Bible

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Who is the Real Winner?

         Saturday morning I watched a young woman line up with a group of fit men and women of all ages, each one determined to conqueror a fifty mile race.

          After eight hours on the trails she had to relinquish that goal, admitting that today it was not to be.

          She arrived at the finish line in a car instead of running through the finish chute. There were tears and slumped shoulders as she was embraced by the director and co-director of the race and words of encouragement were spoken for her ears only.

          Some might say she failed today – that defeat won – but I say she exhibited a champion’s spirit when she toed the line at six a.m.

          Not many of us have experienced the physical and emotional pain that comes when you have reached your limit and gone beyond, mentally thinking…one more mile…when it is no longer possible, she has.
Indika, in my book you are a real winner.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Deck Sitting

Mom and I are making good use of a beautiful day. After weeding and lunch we are settled on the deck. Mom is reading and I am writing.

I don’t know if she spends much time outdoors but she will while I am here. Sitting outside is on my top 10 list of things I enjoy doing. However…sitting outside in dry Colorado is very different than sitting outside in hot, humid Illinois.

Check back with me later in the summer to see how my deck sitting forays are going.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Garden Lesson

A dry, warm day has arrived in Illinois. My mom and I spent several hours pulling weeds, I pulled, she bagged. There is a lot more to do but it is a start.

I love pulling weeds, there is something about removing what does not belong to allow what does, more room to grow.

How like our lives. When we allow worldly things and busyness to fill our lives there is no space for the God things to grow.

Is it time for weeding?

Friday, March 23, 2012

You Thought it was a STALL

Life has its stalls;
           no forward motion,
no backward motion,
           a standing still.
It can be okay, less stress,
but there is curiosity about why.
It is not a happy place
or a sad place,
           only a place.

You want to move forward
but where you put your foot,
           the next step,
is not there…yet.

So you wait and wonder.

When the hints start arriving
the magnitude of the motion that begins is unknown.

How fast, how far?

Faster and farther than you imagined,
or wanted to go,

but the momentum has begun
and there is no stopping it
because God is the one propelling you.

You put on the brakes
because the destination is frightening,
but you are leaving parts of you behind...

so you allow the force to carry you,
swallowing your fear

trusting God will take you
to your destination unharmed
and He will be there when you arrive.

I have been in a stall for months,
not a self-imposed stall

but a God-imposed stall.

It is over now
and I am roaring towards God’s radical destination for my life.

Extreme obedience is what is being required of me.

And I say yes

to God’s gentle command
for He did not hesitate
to send His Son Jesus to deliver me
from the destruction which would have been my end.

His cross,

giving his life,

has now become my cross,

giving my life for another.

Not the shedding blood kind of giving of my life

but laying down
what is precious to me.

Leaving behind my
writing group
and my church

and packing up for a move to Illinois

to become a twenty-four-hour in-home caregiver for my mother.

The woman who cared for me has a need.

As my mother was celebrating her 91st birthday in February
I did not know an insidious disease
was beginning to make its presence known.

No, it’s not cancer,

but another dreaded name:


As I’m studying about this affliction,
and making my packing list,

the tears linger.

Tears for what I am leaving behind

and tears for what I am going towards.

At times my heart seems to stutter,

I breathe deep and declare,
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Such a conflicting time,

Yet the peace of God is present.

I have no time frame
of my return to my home in Colorado.

God has that information and He is not saying.

Obedience is what He requires.

He has said, "go."

So I shall go.

I’ve not been this way before
but God knows the path

and He will not take me to a place
He has not already been
and isn’t already there.

My thoughts, says the Lord,are not like yours, and my ways are different from yours. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways and thoughts above yours. Isaiah 55:8-9 GNT.

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jeremiah 29:11

Are you in a Stall or does God have you racing to a new destination?