I wrote this and it seems to ramble but please stick with me.
I’m sitting outside at “Squeak”, a soda shop by our branch library. It is a beautiful day, not too hot, not too cool. It’s 11:30, lunch time and people are going into “Salsa Brava” for lunch, the smells are delicious.
My husband is at work, yeah God, after over a year of unemployment. My daughter and son-in-law were in for a brief visit on their way to a much needed month long vacation in Australia. They have just sold their business and have wonderful, but scary choices in front of them. We are dog sitting while they are on their trip. Otis is a 150 pound black Great Dane. He is a sweetie and he is getting along great with our golden retriever, Sammy.
Everything seems to be right with the world.
But…
I am having feelings of guilt as I sit here. I should be home so I can finish washing sheets and making beds, and vacuuming the double amount of dog hair accumulating along the walls and in the corners. There must be something that can be made with dog-hair. It seems such a waste, the dogs produce it, drop it as a gift to us and we sweep it up and throw it away. I sure am glad God doesn’t do that with the gifts I bring to him.
Sitting here I am doing what I love, writing. I need to have more respect for my writing, treating it as my job, setting work hours and sticking to them. Why does that seem so hard to do when I am at home? No one is there, except the dogs, so I have a quiet atmosphere and comfy furniture. Maybe it’s the laundry, cleaning, food prep, cleaning up the dog hair, etc, that is always calling to me. If I am at home shouldn’t I be taking care of these things?
I find it easier to work at locations other than my home. The rub is when I sneak off to a coffee shop to write I feel guilty. Like, why do I need to go somewhere else to write, I have a nice office at home. Ugh!
When I am writing I feel so good I don’t want to leave that spot. I am at peace in part of me and at war in another part.
Any other writers struggle with this? I am open for input, help please.
Well it is time to leave this spot, go to the grocery store, go home and make those beds, and vacuum floors. Then a little later it is off to get gas, make a couple of stops before picking up my granddaughter from day care, take her to her home until her mom or dad get home from work. When I get home it will be around 6pm, time to fix dinner and get ready for Tuesday, another full day planned, leaving the house at 6am and getting home around 6pm. Sigh.
I’m sitting outside at “Squeak”, a soda shop by our branch library. It is a beautiful day, not too hot, not too cool. It’s 11:30, lunch time and people are going into “Salsa Brava” for lunch, the smells are delicious.
My husband is at work, yeah God, after over a year of unemployment. My daughter and son-in-law were in for a brief visit on their way to a much needed month long vacation in Australia. They have just sold their business and have wonderful, but scary choices in front of them. We are dog sitting while they are on their trip. Otis is a 150 pound black Great Dane. He is a sweetie and he is getting along great with our golden retriever, Sammy.
Everything seems to be right with the world.
But…
I am having feelings of guilt as I sit here. I should be home so I can finish washing sheets and making beds, and vacuuming the double amount of dog hair accumulating along the walls and in the corners. There must be something that can be made with dog-hair. It seems such a waste, the dogs produce it, drop it as a gift to us and we sweep it up and throw it away. I sure am glad God doesn’t do that with the gifts I bring to him.
Sitting here I am doing what I love, writing. I need to have more respect for my writing, treating it as my job, setting work hours and sticking to them. Why does that seem so hard to do when I am at home? No one is there, except the dogs, so I have a quiet atmosphere and comfy furniture. Maybe it’s the laundry, cleaning, food prep, cleaning up the dog hair, etc, that is always calling to me. If I am at home shouldn’t I be taking care of these things?
I find it easier to work at locations other than my home. The rub is when I sneak off to a coffee shop to write I feel guilty. Like, why do I need to go somewhere else to write, I have a nice office at home. Ugh!
When I am writing I feel so good I don’t want to leave that spot. I am at peace in part of me and at war in another part.
Any other writers struggle with this? I am open for input, help please.
Well it is time to leave this spot, go to the grocery store, go home and make those beds, and vacuum floors. Then a little later it is off to get gas, make a couple of stops before picking up my granddaughter from day care, take her to her home until her mom or dad get home from work. When I get home it will be around 6pm, time to fix dinner and get ready for Tuesday, another full day planned, leaving the house at 6am and getting home around 6pm. Sigh.
13 comments:
I can't write outside the home, but I still struggle with guilt while writing, at least as I get into it and when I get out of it, that is. When I'm in the depths of it, reality is washed away.
I think it comes down to prayer and writing for God for us to overcome this guilt thing. If we feel in our hearts that GOd is calling us to write, then it's easier to let the chores wait on the writing. I'm still trying to master this myself. Good luck with this!
Thanks Eileen for bringing me back to asking "What is my calling from God?" I know that it is writing, now if I can keep that in the forefront of my mind I should be able to kick guilt out.
May words flow from your heart to the page, Eileen. Have a blessed day.
Diane
Diane,
I pray the Lord will help you deal with the "but first" syndrome--I can identify with that. I have something to do "but first" I can do this one small task--or I can do like five things at once. But during my brief "writing career", the very reason I'm writing gave me the perfect solitude to do that writing (blessing and a curse?). To you and your other "true writers", I will pray on your behalf because I can understand how it would be difficult to keep up that writing pace all the time. I remember 4th of July, 2007 writing for a 12 hour block the whole day. But that was just my "one story"--I pray for divine strength and inspiration in your life. Praise God for the blessing in your family that you reported!!
Jim
I find I write best at home when no one is around and I do try to write each day or work on something with writing.
PS You mentioned your husband was out of work for a year. My husband has been out of work now for 11 months. Any thoughts or suggestions on how to survive the emotional impact? It is getting harder and harder to keep him encouraged--both of us.Thanks!
I have the same struggles Diane. Thanks for letting me read a little more about your life. Glad your husband is back at work and that your kids are in Australia.
I am the same way. I finally told myself that it was okay for me to write. It may take a few times of you telling yourself that it's okay to write because you are obeying God and His calling. Try setting aside an hour or two (more or less)a day specifically for your writing. This is your time. I find that I write better away from the home as well. There seems to be fewer distractions (TV, Internet, unfinished chores calling my name...)It's okay to take time for yourself and your writing. I hope this helps.
Hi, Diane! Thanks for coming by Write in the Way!
Hmm... Right now I don't write outside my home (unless I'm on a trip or something). I really need to be in that "zone" without distraction. But I do understand the guilt feeling, even though I'm not a wife or a mom.
My favorite story is when I was a senior in college, I finished writing my fourth manuscript, a story I'd been slaving over. I was so excited, out of breath from the exhilarion, and ran into the kitchen to tell my roommates. Another girl was there. She looked and me said, "You wrote a whole book?"
I nodded. "This is my fourth."
"Don't you have a life?"
HAHA! I think what went through my head was, "who are you and why are you in my apartment?" I can't remember what I actually said.
Diane, thanks for visiting my blog.
You are definitely not the only one who struggles with this. It's so hard to think of writing as a job, but you're right, we need to have more respect for it. We do other things, other jobs, that just get us through life or pay the bills. But they aren't what we dream about or have a passion for. And yet we still give those jobs respect!
God gave us passion for writing and a special kind of talent. It's wonderful when we can respect that gift and try to balance in our lives. And stop feeling guilty when we're doing what we love!
I think sometimes it has to do with what we think others expect from us. Are they still expecting us to do all the errands? All the grocery shopping? All the cleaning?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not there yet, but I think saying "no" to others, or negotiating sharing chores is a big help. It lets others know we are serious about our writing. Announcing to your family and friends when your writing time is and sticking with it also helps.
I hear you, Diane. I haven't got it all figured out and I, too, hear the call of the mundane and urgent calling me away from my writing!
Jim, Thank you for the prayers.
Terri, Sorry about your husband's unemployment. It is hard to keep your spirits up. It is especially hard for men. I guess I just kept my eyes on God and put my trust in Him. I would remind myself that God knew this was going to happen before we were even born, it was not a surprise to Him, so He also has a solution. My husband just kept looking on line and putting out resumes, it was a part-time job just doing that. Just keep loving on your husband and letting him know that you believe in him. His value as a man may be suffering right now so you have your work cut out for you but God gave your husband to you because He knew you were the perfect one for that man.
Hi Lucille, glad to hear I am not the only one who struggles. You have a very full life with your teaching added to everything else you have going. Pace yourself.
Joanne, I like what you said about telling myself it is okay for me to be writing. I need to give my self permission to do what God is calling me to do. When I write it like that it is a no brainer. Thanks.
Kristen, I laughed out loud when I read the line, "Don't you have a life?" People just don't understand do they?
Cindy, you are so right about stopping the guilt. Why would I feel guilty doing what give me, and God, such pleasure.
Denise,
Expectations, yes, they do hound me. I guess I need to let those around me know that what I am attempting to do is important and I would appreciate their support verbally, and with doing mundane chores, as you mentioned.
Thank you to everyone who gave me such great input. You have really encouraged me. Yes, I do have a life and it is the writing life.
I have the same dilemna with dog hair, you cracked me up!
What a sweet post and so dear to my heart too.
Blessings,
Sue
Hi Diane: Thanks for your input...I love myles munroe...and have even thought about going to his conferences in the BAHAMAS...what a great place to also hear about GOD..the man is brilliant....would you like to post your link to my site and you do the same for me....that way we can both get more people to pay attention to our writings???
also just watched FACING THE GIANTS.....with my 3 boys who play football...how GREAT...thanks for visiting my BLOG....www.betterthanhavingitall.blogspot.com
Tracy
Sue, glad you enjoyed my blog. If you think of anything to do with dog hair besides throw it out you might be able to make a fortune.
Tracy, how awesome it would be if you could go to the Bahamas for a Myles Monroe conference. Feeding your spirit and resting your body and soul.
I added your link to my blog. Hope it helps you get some more readers.
Diane
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