"I am so angry that he said that to me!" I seethed.
Going to my room I stop just short of slamming the door. Tears spurt from my eyes, and my nose is running.
I reach for the phone to call a friend, but before I can lift the receiver I hear:
"Counsel with Me, and look to Me alone for your direction and your encouragement."
"God, can't I call someone?"
"No, talk to me."
"But I need someone with skin on to talk to."
"No, I said, talk to me."
"I don't want to listen to you right now."
This is a frequent conversation between God and me. From the time I became His child this is how He and I have worked things out, together.
If I pour out my anger and anguish to Him, seeking His direction and encouragement, I never have any regrets.
However, when I have gone to others, when God has said "no," there are always regrets; I wish that I could take back the spoken words.
The phone call, or the visit made to someone with skin on, in the guise of seeking advice, is really me seeking someone to dump my garbage on.
When I am honest with myself I admit I want someone else to know the "hardships I am enduring," and to hear them say to me, "you poor thing." I want to have a Pity Party and I want to invite others. The problem with a Pity Party is you aren't serving chocolates, and we all know that any successful party must have chocolates; what you are serving is stinky, smelly, rotting garbage. So now instead of one person carrying the foul odor you have two or more.
When I take my heartaches to God he takes the stink I offer Him, accompanied by my rants, raves, and tears and He dries my face, washes away the stink and covers me in the fragrance of His grace, mercy and unconditional love.
He doesn't always give me answers, I usually already know the answer, but He listens, attentively, no matter how much I rant and rave, and that is what I am most in need of, a listening ear that will not be made stinky by my waste products from a bitter and unforgiving heart.
How do I feel after my time with Him? Sometimes refreshed, sometimes convicted, but always, always loved.
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