Heart Beat

 

HEART BEAT

 

Lift my heart Lord

    From the despair within.

Fill me with your presence

    Show me your light.

 

Night time needs to be over,

    I need the glories of your Sun.

The pain is deep

    And brokenness overwhelms me.

 

Your challenge is to trust

    I am weary from the battle.

 

Can you see my unshed tears

    Bottled so deep inside?

They want to be shed

    But something I don’t see or

    Understand stops them.

 

I am tied to this place

    With invisible chains.

I want to break free

    But what if when the chains fall

    There is nothing left of me but dust.

 

I return to you, my true refuge

    Gasping for air, for peace and

    For my heart to beat without pain.

 

Heal me Lord as only you can.

    Put my feet upon a clear path.

 

Surround me with Love.

 

By Diane Marie Shaw    (Being Real)

The Note

“Daughter, you don’t understand my love, you think it has to do with what you do and don’t do. That is not it, you just don’t get it.

What do I have to do to show you my love, wasn’t giving my son on the cross enough. Wasn’t a crown of thorns on his head enough, wasn’t a cross enough.

What would be enough to show you how much I love you? I can’t do anymore, you receive it, believe it. I can’t do more, I have done it all.

It grieves me when you don’t believe me, I weep for you to understand. I will never leave you or forsake you, but you leave and forsake me.

You go around with thoughts running through your mind that you are not good enough, that you have nothing to offer, that you are not real, that you are fake and if anyone knew the real you they would not like you.

You go around trying to get everyone to like you, they already love you. You don’t know how many people love you including your husband. You touch hearts for me. I have put love in you and you know how to love but you don’t know how to receive love.

Lay your head in my lap and let me heal the hurts, some are ones you have inflicted on yourself because you don’t believe me. I want to heal them all to make you whole, nothing missing, nothing broken.

You are broken right now, there is pain in you right now, I did not put it there, you have it because you receive it, you put it there yourself because you refuse to just be who I created you to be.

You are a wonder. Right now you are refusing to receive it, you don’t feel worthy, you reject my gift to you. Just receive it.

Open your heart, it won’t burst, stop or bleed to death. Jesus already took the sword to his heart, so yours could be whole, healed and bursting with love, not condemnation. Never condemnation. If that is there it is not from me.

I convict where I see sin but I never condemn. You do that to yourself, you think less of yourself than I do. I see a…yes you must type it…I see a beautiful, holy, gracious, loving creation made in my image to do good, good, good works for me. You are able; you are created for me, for me. Not your husband, not the world but for me.

You and I have a pact, you come to me and I speak to you like I am doing right now. We are one, I in you, you in me. Feel it, you are whole, wholly mine, forever mine. Don’t leave me again.

I have work for you to do. I will, I will use you to write for my kingdom, for my glory. Hear my voice, listen to my spirit. I will give you the words, the ones that will impact and change lives.

Don’t worry, don’t work so hard, it will come and it will come easy. It will not be like others because I have declared that I need what you will do. I know that you are a vessel that I can trust. Your heart is pure and holy I can use you.

Go now. I love you.

Daddy”

 

I journal and God speaks back to me and I write what He speaks. This was from a journal entry of September 21, 2009.

As I read this today I was touched by God’s love but also pricked because He could write this same letter to me today because nothing has changed in me. Sad isn’t it. It is time for me to take up God’s image of me. He made it very clear how he sees me it is time for me to see myself this way too.

Reread this note from God, could He have written it to you?

Do you have a Godly image of yourself or have you allowed your image to be distorted by the world, your past and your doubts?

 

 

Love and Betrayal

Day 4 of Passion Week

Passover, the reminder to the Israelites of their deliverance from slavery in Egypt. On that day each Israelite family killed a lamb and placed the blood on the door posts and lintel so that the death angel would pass over them and not slay their first born.

Now Jesus was one day away from His final Passover celebration on earth. He would change the world forever in a few days.

On this Wednesday He spent time at the home of Simon the leper having dinner with his friends. A woman entered the room carrying a box made of alabaster. She broke the box and poured the contents of spikenard on Jesus’ head. The room was filled with the fragrance. Did the conversation stop? Some were indignant that this costly perfume was wasted. Jesus, touched by her actions, rebuked them. He let all those in attendance know this was in preparation for His burial. What she did would not be forgotten but included in the preaching of the gospel.

A small thing, this anointing? Maybe to some, but to Jesus it was an act of love.

While this loving act was being talked about another act was about to take place.

Judas Iscariot was walking into his destiny. A destiny of betrayal.  

The chief priests were excited to have this disciple, one of the chosen twelve, coming to them with a plan to turn Jesus over to them. They gladly accepted and agreed on a payment of thirty pieces of silver.


As Jesus was being pressed to be seen by certain Greeks He spoke again about dying.

“Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.” John 12:24

He was beginning to feel the weight of what was to come and He cried out:

“Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say?

Father, save me from this hour: but for this cause came I unto this hour.” John 12:27

His hour was very close at hand.

Alabaster Box

Day 39 of 40 days of Lenten Posts

Jesus Christ affirmed on Calvary: grace, forgiveness, love that knows no boundaries.

How could a man of perfection die for all of sinful man, die for a sinful woman like me?

I don’t understand it but I embrace it with a heart broken for the times that I have disappointed Him and turned my back on Him. He gathers my tears in His bottle and writes them in His book.




I am filled with gratitude for His loving arms that lift me up and embrace me when I have fallen. Over and over He drenches me with His love.

Love Path

Day 30 of 40 days of Lenten Posts

Love Path

God Loves Me

I Love God

I Love my neighbor

When I know and experience the love of God toward me I overflow with love back to Him.

Mark 12:30 commands me to “Love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength.” Good News Translation
All – not some, but all of me. That means putting His will before mine.
Putting away self serving thoughts and actions.
Loving Him with my heart above my husband, family, ministry, job, money, fame.

I love Him for promising me eternity with Him in heaven.
I love Him for changing my life, for showing me what real freedom is.
I love Him because while I was still a sinner He loved me.
I love Him because I can’t not love Him.

God's Love Toward Us

Day 29 of 40 days of Lenten Posts


God’s love is:

Limitless

Overwhelming

Victorious

Everlasting

The unfailing love of the Lord never ends. By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. Lamentations 3:22-23

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.” John 3:16-18 The Message

Image: Jim Marr's Book It Was Out of Love

Legacy of Love

Day 12 of 40 days of Lenten Posts

Isn’t this a great picture of two happy people?

This picture is of my mother’s parents.

When I think of the hardships they faced it is good to know that they could smile through life. My grandmother gave birth to 14 children. One child was still born, one died of pneumonia at 2 months old, one died of crib death at 8 months old, one died of Diphtheria at 5 years old, and one died of a brain tumor at 14. The other nine children lived to adulthood.

When he was 56 years old my grandfather was killed while riding his bike to work.

While together my grandparents lived through World War 1 and the Great Depression.

Supporting so many children had to be hard on them but I never heard any stories from my mother or aunts and uncles about them being given anything but lovefrom their parents.

All of my mom’s brothers and sisters remained close. My mother, at 90, is the only one living of those nine children.

I thank my grandparents for leaving me a legacy of love and family.

 "but showing love to a thousand [ generations] of those who love me and keep my commandments."  Exodus 20:6 NIV

Here is another picture of a happy couple.

This is my husband Bob and me on vacation last year.

I pray that you are able to leave a legacy of love, even if you haven't had one passed down to you.

I Can See Clearly Now

This morning my world was encased in a shroud. It wasn’t caused by my fuzzy mind but a beautiful fog had descended, hiding the spectacular view that I normally enjoy each day.

The fog was keeping me from seeing what I knew was there. My mind has been in a foggy state for some time and the pity parties I kept throwing myself were getting downright disgusting.

Letting go of what I didn’t have—that sounds strange, how do you let go of something you don’t possess—and embracing, with thanksgiving, all I do have is bringing transformation into my life.

When Jesus hung on the cross and said, “It is finished,” the curtain in the temple was torn top to bottom. If man had done that he would have torn it bottom to top. God was telling us, “Come on in, I took care of the hard part. Sit down, let’s talk, let’s converse. I want to hear all about your pain, your doubts, your needs and then, if you will be still in my presence, I will speak to you.”

I am learning that God’s love fills all the longings that I have, the longings that no person can fulfill because people disappoint.

When hurt comes, and it will, I have a choice—will I allow the hurt to take root and reap a crop of bitterness or will I allow the sweet love of Jesus to wash over me and encase me in a shroud of peace. I choose the peace He extends to me continuously.

Life is so much sweeter.

                                                            View from my deck, isn't it pretty?

A Love Letter

I was pondering what I would write for my next blog. I frequently start my writing, when I don’t know the direction I am going to go, with some rambling, then the words start to flow. I went to the book of 1 Corinthians 13 and typed out the love passage from the Message Bible. I rambled about God’s love for His people and my love for my family when God started to speak to me. To some this may sound very strange but God speaks to my mind and I write what I hear him speak. What He gave me tonight was a love letter and I believe it is not just for me, so here is God’s love letter to His daughters (I guess you guys can have it to).

Daughter, you don’t understand my love, you think it has to do with what you do and don’t do. That is not it, you just don’t get it. What do I have to do to show you my love, wasn’t giving my son on the cross enough? Wasn’t a crown of thorns on his head enough? What would be enough to show you how much I love you? I can’t do anymore, you receive it, believe it. I can’t do more, I have done it all. It grieves me when you don’t believe me, I weep for you to understand. I will never leave you or forsake you, but you leave and forsake me. You go around with thoughts running through your mind that you are not good enough, that you have nothing to offer, that you are not real, that you are fake and if anyone knew the real you they would not like you. You go around trying to get everyone to like you, they already love you. You don’t know how many people love you, including your husband. You touch hearts for me. I have put love in you and you know how to love, but you don’t know how to receive love. Lay your head in my lap and let me heal the hurts, some are ones you have inflicted on yourself because you don’t believe me. I want to heal them all, to make you whole, nothing missing, nothing broken. You are broken right now, there is pain in you right now, I did not put it there, you have it because you receive it, you put it there yourself because you refuse to just be who I created you to be. You are a wonder. Right now you are refusing to receive it, you don’t feel worthy, you reject my gift to you. Just receive it. Open your heart, it won’t burst, stop or bleed to death. Jesus already took the sword to his heart, so yours could be whole, healed and bursting with love, not condemnation. Never condemnation. If that is there, it is not from me. I convict where I see sin but I never condemn. You do that to yourself, you think less of yourself than I do. I see a… yes you must type it… I see a beautiful, holy, gracious, loving creation made in my image to do good, good, good works for me. You are able; you are created for me, for me. Not your husband, not the world but for me. You and I have a pact, you come to me and I speak to you like I am doing right now. We are one, I in you, you in me. Feel it, you are whole, wholly mine, forever mine. Don’t leave me again. I have work for you to do. I will, I will use you to write for my kingdom, for my glory. Hear my voice, listen to my spirit. I will give you the words, the ones that will impact and change lives. Don’t worry, don’t work so hard, it will come and it will come easy. It will not be like others because I have declared that I need what you will do. I know that you are a vessel that I can trust. Your heart is pure and holy I can use you. Go now. I love you.


Daddy

Image: MorgueFile

Trash Talk

"I am so angry that he said that to me!" I seethed.

Going to my room I stop just short of slamming the door. Tears spurt from my eyes, and my nose is running.

I reach for the phone to call a friend, but before I can lift the receiver I hear:

"Counsel with Me, and look to Me alone for your direction and your encouragement."

"God, can't I call someone?"

"No, talk to me."

"But I need someone with skin on to talk to."

"No, I said, talk to me."

"I don't want to listen to you right now."

This is a frequent conversation between God and me. From the time I became His child this is how He and I have worked things out, together.

If I pour out my anger and anguish to Him, seeking His direction and encouragement, I never have any regrets.

However, when I have gone to others, when God has said "no," there are always regrets; I wish that I could take back the spoken words.

The phone call, or the visit made to someone with skin on, in the guise of seeking advice, is really me seeking someone to dump my garbage on.

When I am honest with myself I admit I want someone else to know the "hardships I am enduring," and to hear them say to me, "you poor thing." I want to have a Pity Party and I want to invite others. The problem with a Pity Party is you aren't serving chocolates, and we all know that any successful party must have chocolates; what you are serving is stinky, smelly, rotting garbage. So now instead of one person carrying the foul odor you have two or more.

When I take my heartaches to God he takes the stink I offer Him, accompanied by my rants, raves, and tears and He dries my face, washes away the stink and covers me in the fragrance of His grace, mercy and unconditional love.

He doesn't always give me answers, I usually already know the answer, but He listens, attentively, no matter how much I rant and rave, and that is what I am most in need of, a listening ear that will not be made stinky by my waste products from a bitter and unforgiving heart.

How do I feel after my time with Him? Sometimes refreshed, sometimes convicted, but always, always loved.

Photo: Dreamstime.com

The Cup of Sin

Communion, a precious time to reflect on Christ and His sacrifice for all mankind.

When Jesus was sharing that first communion with his disciples, in Matthew 26:27-28 it says: Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”

Sunday I did some reflecting on the “cup” that is spoken of frequently throughout scripture.

Scene: Moses and Joshua coming down from Mt. Sinai with the Ten Commandments.
Aaron and the people are dancing around the golden calf. A calf they had crafted with their own gold, a calf they sacrificed to, and worshipped. They had quickly turned away from God and returned to the sin and bondage that God had delivered them from when he brought them out of Egypt.

Moses took the golden calf, representing their sin, burned it in the fire, and ground it to powder; and he scattered it on the water and made the children of Israel drink it. They drank the cup of their sin. Exodus 32:20

Scene: The Garden of Gethsemane
Jesus is on his face, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
A second time he is on his face, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from me unless I drink it, Your will be done.”
A third time he prayed the same. Matthew 26:39, 42, 44

The cup – full of sin, our sins. Sins that could only be wiped away with his sacrifice, he had to drink it fully.

Jesus drank the cup of sin dry, every drop. Only a love that we cannot comprehend could do this.

Now he offers a cup to us, another cup, the cup of salvation. Will you drink of this cup?

Psalms 116:13 I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD.


Photo: Morguefile